08 October 2015

Grief Therapy

2015.10.07MolliesRestingPlace
Sweet Mollie is in her resting place.  It doesn't look like much, underneath the shrubbery near the bird feeders, but come spring, there will be an island of little yellow daffodils and pansies.  My new concrete bunny whom I've named Smudge guards her spot.  

Grief overwhelms me.  It's hard to explain how the loss of such a tiny little cat can evoke such spasms  of sorrow and grief, but it erupts out of me in wrenching sobs that I cannot contain.  Mollie was my dearest friend, my constant companion, my kindred spirit,  and there was a special bond between us unlike any I've ever had with any pet before.  Losing her feels as though part of me has been torn away.  I know that with time, the loss will seem less raw, that my heart will heal, but for now... the pain of her loss tears me apart. 

Even with two other kitties in the house, there is a silence here that is almost unbearable.  After spending the morning deep cleaning portions of the house, I needed a creative outlet.  But to sit and sew right now... something that Mollie was always there for, sitting on my lap while I stitched... is just too hard.  Instead, I pulled out the oil paints.  It has been too long since I did much oil painting and it is something that I've been missing.  

2015.10.08Painting01
It took a while to gather supplies and come up with something to paint.  It's always a bit intimidating to look at a piece of blank canvas, no matter how small.  But with the help of Carol Marine's book, "Daily Painting ",  I was soon on my way.  

2015.10.08Painting02
6" x 6" Green & White,  Oil on gesso-board 
It's just a simple still life, a bit rough, but ok.  Now that I've posted it here, I see a couple of things to fix.  It certainly isn't the best I've done,  and a far cry from some of my better work in the past, but it's a start.  I hope to paint a bit more frequently in the near future.  It's something I've been wanting to get back to.   I'd love to find a balance between painting and stitching somehow.  And working.  Must earn my keep!

Thank you all for your love and encouragement.  It means the world to me.    

8 comments:

krayolakris said...

My heart aches for you. Been there. Know that she is with you in spirit. Hugs to you.

FlowerLady Lorraine said...

Bless your heart dear Lisa. Your tears are all being bottled by our Almighty God. Let Him be a balm to your broken heart.

I love the cement bunny and come spring the area will all look cheery. Mollie is romping around in heaven even now, awaiting the day she will meet you again.

Love your painting and I look forward to seeing more. You are so right about a 'blank canvas' being intimidating.

Happy Fall dear one ~ FlowerLady

Lesley UK said...

I'm so sorry about Mollie. It's heartbreaking to lose a much loved pet. Believe me, I know exactly how you feel. Blessings

Come Away With Me said...

A fellow cat lover here, who reads your blog but rarely comments. I am so sorry to hear this and can truly understand your grief, having been there before, and sad to say, may be there soon again with my own Miss Kitty who is quite old now. Thoughts of all this have been teasing the edges of my mind for a while now; in fact, I was not able (and have not yet) read your previous post once I saw the title of it; couldn't bear to see it right now. But I send warm sympathy your way, not that it helps, but just to say others out here understand your grief very well and know it all takes a lot of time to settle down a bit. With love and prayers. I do also want to say your stitchery is so gorgeous that I could look at it all day. And your painting I also like very much. You most certainly are an artist with an eye for beauty! Blessings to you.

sewok said...

Lisa, I am so sorry for the loss of your Molly. Those little family members worm their way into our hearts and refuse to let go. I lost my CJ, feline sewing buddy and watch cat of 19 years, just three years ago. It still hurts and I still expect him to come slinking down the stairs or to jump up on the sewing table. My thoughts are with you as you heal through your stitching and painting. Lovely work and it will help so keep at it. Blessings, Phyllis

fullnovembermoon said...

Lost my heart cat in 2011 and was devastated. These cats and dogs that become our friends and companions leave a big empty space when they leave us. Time helps it does, but she is always with you. My Willow is still so missed and yet I have Sage now and he is not her he is his own light in my day. Hugs to you.

Anonymous said...

I think sometimes the loss you have suffered represents so much more than the pet. Parts of your life that departed with the pet. Molly represented so much more than a pet to you. I always dislike that awful heavy feeling one has when this happens. It will pass as we know and with that passing your heaviness will lighten but Molly will always be a part of you and that will bring you joy.

Susan Elliott said...

Oh beautiful Lisa. Just keep painting your sorrow away. Your grief is just a manifestation of your love and that is the greatest thing of all. Love. And you are so very good at Loving. Molly and Smudge will make great pansies together and you will always have Molly. She's still there on the windowsill and her paws are still on your sewing table...

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